


Holdin' All This Love

by notsodarling



Series: no more keepin' score [12]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Communication, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Post-Season 2, Two Idiots Who Love Each Other A Lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:22:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28639959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notsodarling/pseuds/notsodarling
Summary: Michael and Alex try having a lunch date.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: no more keepin' score [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2057037
Comments: 16
Kudos: 88





	Holdin' All This Love

**Author's Note:**

> Blame this completely on Tyler describing Season 3 Malex in a word as "tension." This is just what my mind came up with as a result.
> 
> Title from "exile" by Taylor Swift
> 
> <3

Michael watched as Alex picked at his burger, something clearly on his mind. They’d started this tentative dating of testing the waters, starting slow and seeing if they could do this whole thing right. The last thing Michael wanted was for it all to blow up in their faces, and he’d hoped that Alex felt the same way. 

It wasn’t like he thought Alex didn’t want them to work out, but there was a new kind of tension between them these days, an uneasiness about the future. For Michael, it felt like sometimes he was holding back his own thoughts, things he used to have no problem expressing to Alex when they needed to be said, and Alex - well, it felt like Alex was even more pensive than he used to be, or that Michael could ever remember him being.

Dates at the Crashdown felt like they should be easy, it was somewhere they were both familiar with, food they both already loved and enjoyed. There was nothing about the setting that should make either of them nervous.

And yet.

What if he said the wrong thing? What if one wrong question upended everything, and he ended up losing Alex for good? The possibility weighed heavily on his mind, holding Michael back from the words he knew he’d normally have no trouble saying out loud. 

“I’ll be right back,” he mumbled, sliding out of the booth and heading toward the back of the restaurant, pushing through the door into the kitchen on the right instead of the bathroom door to the left. He wasn’t alone for long, as Liz immediately appeared around the corner, making a beeline directly for him. At least right now, he was happy to see her.

“You okay, Mikey?”

He groaned at the nickname that had stuck around since their trip to Texas. Never in his life had he imagined being called anything other than Michael, hell, no one had ever bothered to try and call him by a nickname before, because that’d require they care about him, and there hadn’t been anyone to fill that role in his life growing up. But his friendship with Liz Ortecho had taken him by surprise, especially in the weeks and months after she’d learned the truth about Rosa’s death. 

“It’s just Alex, right?” Michael leaned back against the wall, needing the extra support, and tilted his head up to stare at the ceiling. “So why is this so hard?”

He doesn’t expect Liz to have any answers, he hadn’t even been expecting her to appear around the corner, thinking she’d see Alex sitting alone and stop by and talk to him instead, leaving Michael alone to gather his chaotic thoughts about how epically he was fucking up this new chance with the one person it mattered the most with.

“Tell me about him,” Liz replies, leaning against the wall next to him, bumping her shoulder against his own. 

“He’s your best friend.”

“Yeah,” she agreed, raising an eyebrow. “But I’ve only ever heard about you from him - or well, I didn’t even know it was actually you until recently.”

He stares at her, unsure of what he’s even supposed to say. Tell her how Alex was the first _human_ to show him any kindness? That Alex didn’t care that he was homeless as a teenager and lived out of his truck? How Alex had handed him a guitar to play and had listened to him prattle on about how it calmed his already chaotic mind? 

She lets out a deep sigh, clearly annoyed at his reluctance to talk.

“Max makes me laugh,” she says, and Michael looks over at her, seeing the faraway look in her eyes, a kind of wistfulness he can understand. Plus, he’s been on the receiving end of listening to more than one of Max’s feelings about Liz Ortecho. “He makes me smile when no one else can. And he makes me feel safe.”

But he appreciates what she’s doing, and it helps calm him down, though he doesn’t quite know how to go back out to Alex yet, how to salvage this mess he’s made of today.

“Alex was the first person to make me believe I could have a home here.”

“But what about Max and Is-”

Michael smiles, shaking his head to interrupt her so she understands. “I always have them - I _’ve always had them_. But there’d never been any part of _humanity_ that had shown me that kindness before.”

He watches her nod, understanding, and continues. “There’s always been something about Alex, when we’re together it’s like - nothing else matters, right? And it used to be easier, maybe because we were just trying to make the most of the time we had, and not worrying about the rest of it.”

Liz smiles, rolling her eyes. “So stop thinking so much.”

“Easier said than done, Ortecho.”

Before she can reply, the same door he’d walked through earlier flies open, Rosa breezing past muttering in Spanish under her breath. He catches something about _dumbass idiots_ and frowns at Liz, who just shrugs her shoulders, reaching out for him, suddenly pushing him toward the door.

Alex is still sitting in the booth, his burger untouched, but his fries are mostly gone, and Michael takes that as somewhat of a good sign. They’d picked the booth along the front wall of windows, overlooking Main Street. Alex had sat facing the door, though as he approaches now, Michael momentarily debates sliding in next to Alex, what it’d be like to crowd up next to him in the small space, and press a kiss to his cheek to let him know everything was okay.

That they were okay.

"You told Liz about his," are the words he decides on, thinking they sounded better in his head, because as soon as they leave his mouth, Alex is staring back at him, wide eyed.

"Of course I told her." The words are forceful, like Michael is accusing him of something, but he's not.

"I didn't mean-"

"I don't want to-"

They're talking at the same time, trying to apologize and explain, and Michael clamps his mouth shut, waiting to Alex to continue.

"I'm tired of not talking about you."

Alex breaks his gaze, shifting to look outside the window, and Michael watches as he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, taking a deep breath. If there is something new he's noticed about Alex since he's been back, since his injury, it's the way he seems to take big, deep calming breaths when he needs to focus. It had been something different about Alex, but not necessarily bad. Something new he'd had to learn about him, file it away on the long list of reasons he loves Alex Manes.

"Flint stopped by my house yesterday." It's not a sentence Michael thought he'd hear Alex say when they're on a date, but if it's family stuff on his mind that's distracting him, the least Michael can do is listen. "And he told me about what you did when I was missing."

Michael grimaces at the memory of using the high voltage cattle prod on Flint Manes.

"Did you really have our future planned out when we were seventeen?"

His heart stops in his chest, recalling how he'd told Flint about his feelings for Alex, about wanting to have a family, and _starting a dad band_. Things he'd dreamed about that had been cruelly ripped away in one terrifying moment.

He shrugs, trying to play it off as no big deal, because is this going to be the thing to scare Alex away? Knowing that Michael has had dreams of what their future could be? "I needed Flint to tell me where you were."

"I did too," Alex continues, and Michael's heart begins tap dancing against his rib cage. While he's always known Alex loved him, he'd never been sure if they ever had the same dream - there hadn't been time for that. It feels strange to talk about the happily ever afters they daydreamed about as seventeen year olds, but it also feels good to talk about them.

Michael feels lighter knowing Alex felt the same. "Yeah?"

Alex smiles, looking down and playing with the remaining fries, pushing them around the plate but not eating.

It feels like a good moment between them.

"I still do," Alex continues, and Michael senses a bit of unease in his voice, his sudden confidence waning. But regardless, his own heart feels ready to explode out of his chest knowing that even though they've never really had the opportunity to discuss it, never got to the point before where they could share that dream for the future, they're both here wanting the same thing. "You're the only one I've ever wanted it with."

Michael looks down at their partially eaten food, getting an idea as he glances over to wave at Liz, who's watching them from behind the counter, before turning back to look at Alex.

"You wanna go for a ride?"

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! <3


End file.
